Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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