I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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