apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I can't turn off my feet"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
