Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
either way he was missing a nipple.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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