Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
