Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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