watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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