i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
