I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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