True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
