So drunk its hurt
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
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He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
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I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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