He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
