pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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