Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
