yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize