Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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