I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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