Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
