My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
