there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
