the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
