Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
