so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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