Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
