When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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