Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
