I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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