I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
hell yes lets make some ravioli
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
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Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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