I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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