Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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