the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
