woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
