Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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