Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
