What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
