You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
