dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
