he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
