You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
