From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
