it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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