I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
