i wish my penis had a tongue
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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