I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We got so high we made milksteak
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
