I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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