sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
