he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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