is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
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He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
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Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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