she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
