At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
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Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize