can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize