I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize