the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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