My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
