how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think i peed on brittanys purse
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
