i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
