and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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