can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
