Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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