i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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