70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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