Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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