I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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