My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
