It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
