I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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